In 125 Days, I Will Be Me, or I Will Be Dead

Today starts 125 days for me to make a fundamental change in my life. At the end of this journey, one of two things will happen: I will be me, or I will be dead.


I start back class today, including returning to campus for the first time in over a year. Usually, I would look forward to this; however, since it’s for a foreign language requirement, not writing, I am kind of, “well, ok then” about this. Then I remind myself that I am near the end of this journey. I smile and will go into today with a great attitude. After all, my GPA is 3.8, so it’s not like I’m piddling through these classes.


I also start a 125-day program to make the real changes in my life that I have been “conceptualizing” for years. I am at a point in my life when the talk is cheap. Either I will, or I need to accept I won’t and be done with it. If I commit and do this, the rewards will be great. If I don’t, I am giving up everything I want to enjoy and will accept that this is who I am, which would lead me down a wrong path towards being dead (in the metaphorical sense.)


I work up this morning at about 5:10, strangely dreaming about a Xenomorph outbreak. I looked at the clock, seeing that I had 20 minutes until the alarm went off. Here was the first big test of the program. What did I do?


“Ziggy, cancel today’s 5:30 am alarm,” then I rolled over.


This is where you think, “he failed the first day.” That nearly happened, but it didn’t.

Ten minutes later, I was out of bed. Within five minutes, I was dressed and starting my workout. It wasn’t an intense workout, just a baseline workout to see how I felt. Some things I felt fine; other areas felt weak. However, when it was over, I felt great!


I then got ready for the day, including writing this article. I’ve neglected the website since Shark Week ended. No more. There is no reason I cannot publish three weekly articles, with a goal of a daily article each weekday. Instead of making excuses or allowing distractions, it is time to be me.


I will be me, or I will be dead.


This is where I am. It will be hard to break myself down to build myself back up. The reward, however? I'll be the real me again.


How will I fair? I'll let you decide at the beginning of the new year.

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